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Hi mandamoo42,
i read the messages from 1-5. i do not think venusHalley meant to criticize you. i think she was thinking if all you are getting from your doctor is medication...then perhaps it is less medication and more therapy that you need. Just a side note/opinion.
Back to your present state of misery.
Perhaps marking time now is just what you need to do. Perhaps you can use this time to get ready to go back into therapy? It has taken over six years to find a therapist to work with. Medication is just one part of the puzzle, you know like the oil in a car. You still need gasoline and a key and water and four good tires.
Some doctors do not want to invest a lot of time with their patients. i had a doctor that just gave a lot of medication even after overdosing on them. That made me feel the doctor did not care about me. So i got rid of him and went searching for a new doctor. Mind you i did not quit the old doctor until i found one that i thought could help me.
In case you do not know where to look...i did not...check out the find help tab here at Psych Central. If that does not help try typing psychiatrist or psychologist in the computer and go from there. i did this step a little bit at a time because i did not handle the rejection well. Since so much has gone on in the past, and recent events are making like nearly unbearable....consider looking for a new therapist. Sometimes you really need to vomit (please excuse the graphic visual) the painful thoughts and feelings and indescribable _________ to a good listener. i used the word vomit because i mean to do just that: release all that has been bottled up. Afterwords you may consider to travel the painful path of healing. But based on what you have written, it appears you need to release all that has been bottled up, for your very survival.
Unfortunately, members of PC are not qualified to provide much help to you. All we can do is tell you about what has worked for us, or suggest some ideas that may work. Most PC members cannot see if you are crying, or how desperate you are feeling. All of us, in general, however, mean only to help in some small way.
Okay that is my two cents worth. mandamoo42, i will send positive thoughts and wishes out to you.
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