Chopin, I doubt if pushing you out of the office was anymore than having another patient due in. I can remember my mom pushing me away when I tried to hug her.
She was a pretty sick woman with schizophrenia/paranoid problems. As much as you wanted to help your mother, she was beyond your help. I think having a mom like that
leaves lasting negative impressions on a person.

I think I eventually built a big wall between my mother and my self so as to protect me from her and her emotional/physical abuse. I've had periods where I wanted to be affirmed by an older woman...luckily I did wind up with a really great mother-in-law.
She was my surrogate mother for years and years.

I thought too that I was too damaged to be a good mother. I knew I instinctively I could not be a worthy mom without cutting off the negatives in my own mothering.
That wasn't easy as you have to act according to your feelings of what a good mother should be....and not with learned behaviors.

Yes I think that could be one of the many reasons people become bisexual/gay..of course there is the argument that people are born that way. Just my thoughts. Take Care and hugs to you. bj