I feel silly asking for affection. Does she really not like me? Do I annoy her? Does she think I'm crazy? Does she get disgusted by me? Does she think my desire for affection is sexual? How should I know? If I ask, she might lie to me. Everybody lies for all kinds of reasons. I just crave motherly affection. I wonder if this is what my bisexuality is all about? I really just want to be held by an older female. Nothing sexual about it. I want to be comforted. I want to be reassured that I will be okay. In my childhood, nothing was ever okay. Nothing I did was good enough.

... It's why I haven't had kids yet. I don't want to be my mother and I don't want my kid to become me.