You might not see this right now, but things can get worse. If you do something stupid, you will most likely go to prison. If not, the guilt will eat you alive, I'm pretty sure about that, don't know though. I've known people who have been in prison. It is nothing to be proud of. They all say that. Some fools make money in there. I think it is a revolving door to them. I, somehow, think that they don't know any better. It is sad. Ask for help. Things can get better, unless you don't let them. It might seem like nobody cares and it isn't fair; that isn't the whole picture. It sounds like you do deserve love and understanding and they aren't providing you with what you need. They have the legal right to do that. It doesn't seem fair, I know, but keep yourself safe. It sounds like you are in the same situation I was in, a long time ago. I needed to take care of myself, because I was all I had. It was survive or survive. There isn't another option. SURVIVE. Sit in hospitals, talk to shrinks and therapists. Be honest, they can tell if your lying anyway. If you lie, they will get suspicious. Things can get better. Endure your situation and accept it. It is what it is. Good luck healing your broken heart, maybe someday you will find someone who will mend it bit. It not fair, it doesn't make sense and it doesn't matter whether it is fair or makes sense. Accept the situation, bandage your wound and trudge on through this messy world we live in. I live in it too. You aren't alone. Peace to you.