I had an example of the anger of God toward my being engaged or enjoying the company of family and friends.

If I isolate, whatever things I work on (writing, poker - I do both professionally) go very well. When I relate to other human beings, the results are horrible for others and myself.

Today, I was invited to watch the Super Bowl with my family. I wanted to avoid it but I don't want to alienate my family. Nonetheless, I knew that if I spent time with them, the consequences for both me and them would be bad.

Playing poker before I went over, I lost due to some bad luck. I almost always win when I avoid my family and friends. However, if I have any contact with family and friends on the day I play, I lose. So, of course, I lost.

When I arrived at the family gathering, my brother was not there. I love my brother more than anyone in the world. But he has MS and had an episode so he stayed home alone to watch the game - he was in discomfort so he didn't want any visitors.

I know that had I avoided my family today, I would have won at poker and my brother would not have had an episode and would be able to enjoy his family.

Tomorrow I am having lunch with a friend. I know something bad will happen to me tomorrow. God wants me to always be isolated and alone and punishes me and others if his wishes are not followed.

I sometimes think I should just abandon everyone so that both they and I can thrive.