I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. I do understand, I'm there myself right now. Ok... if you really want to try and pull yourself up out of the pit, there are things you are telling yourself that, though you do feel that way, they aren't true. (cognitive distortions) Everytime you say "can't" you are telling yourself something you don't need to hear. Feelings don't kill us, we do that. If we don't act on the feelings, negatively, we CAN take much more than this... no we don't want to. We don't want life to end, we want life as we are experiencing it to end, we want the misery to end, we want the sadness to end...but not really us...

when you use the words "too many" you are again telling yourself something you don't need to hear right now (and maybe never.) Ok it HAS been a long time feeling this way. (I don't know how long is long to you, but I know the feeling of "too" of anything.)

There's a sticky post at the top of the Psychotherapy forum (10 common cognitive distortions.) What you can begin to do is recognize it when you tell yourself something that is a distortion...

each day is a new day... each hour a new hour. I know when the black swirling mass seems to swallow me up, it's very difficult to imagine having to live another hour... but since I quit telling myself I can't take it any more, I don't feel the horrible frustration that would go along with the sadness.

Is there anyone IRL you can call to share your frustration with? I hope so.