I'm sorry that you had to endure that emotional abuse you posted, possibly physical abuse also. Chilhood should be a time of learning and experimenting while being guided, by adults, toward a healthy future life. That didn't occur for me either. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty about things "they" did. It wasn't about you, they were, it sounds, crazy. Crazy, undiagnosed, people do crazy things. It is a crazy, undiagnosed, world we live in also. I'm sure that deep down in their mind, beneath their crazy actions and words, they loved you. All parents love their kids, some are good at loving, some fail miserably, but under it all is love for their kids. It isn't excusable, but being a parent, I can tell you, parenting is the most diffcult, but most rewarding job I've ever had. I've worked long hard hours for low pay in hellish work enviroments, but parenting is 24/7/365 with no breaks or vacations. It has to be that way, but it is difficult. For me, understanding my parents situation, helped me to forgive and remember the good times of my chilhood experience also. I wish you success also.