I'm going back to my old T and I'm seeing marriage T. I'm going back to old T to talk about some things/issues that have come up for me and to help me deal with the fall out from marriage T. - Marriage T does EFT and it's something I tried at our last appt. I felt like I got ran over by a truck emotionally but in a good way. It brought up some feelings that my conscience is great at burying and deflecting. It's like I got knocked off balance and then I was able to see for a second what's been buried with past traumas etc...

Today I had my appt with the old T and told her why I needed her help and I think therapy sucks The part where she can help me with my issues is great but the fear of being attached part sucks (as I was very attached to her before) :-) She told me that she could help me with my situation now and the attachment issue we could work on later. Obviously I can't live on her couch and I obviously know that but it still hurts. She also told me attachment is a form of growing up (something I never experienced in a healthy way with my parents).Sometimes I wish thoughts could overpower emotions and the two would become one and make sense. It would make life so much simpler!!!

I guess from my first therapeutic experience it feels a little different because I'm guarded. I don't want to go through that pain again. This time I'm really hoping I can be all 'in it' when I'm in the office and then till my next appt there is no feelings of attachment.

If the feelings of attachment where to come up again (I hope not) then what would that teach me??? All I've ever learned in life is you crave that bond with someone and then sure enough your heart gets ripped out. EVERY TIME! Sorry for being such a downer. I'm having a hard time being positive right now in anticipation for yet another painful experience.