I feel the same. People I love the most have abandoned me and ive abandoned people that love me. Love feels like a distant, naive notion or even a cruel joke about the past but I believe if I can be just a little brave then I have at least some chance to be happy. So whenever I feel that fear, which is damn near every time, I just try to be brave and open up a little or be more friendly to others because I know that I will regret not talking to them. I have zero self confidence so if I can do it I believe you can too