I am a 21 year old male and ever since I was about 13 I've felt like something was wrong/different about me so I searched and searched for the answer and now I know its narcism. Finding out is really hard because you basically learn that you are only the shell of empty person who only cares about being seen as perfect and happy. The thing thats really getting to me though is that all these relationships Ive had and probably the ones in the future will be tainted with narcissistic intent. I only value people that are a good narcissistic supply to fuel my delusions of myself. No relationship and feelings can be substantial or sincere because they are all just to get more fuel. I try when I can to be genuine but if people were to see the true me, which is a worthless self mutilator, they would never like me. Whenever I try to make friends these thoughts run through my mind and I totally obsess over them I kind of lose touch with reality and when I come back I feel deathly cold and empty. i'll keep living my life the same way because to be honest i like the pain and anguish but still futilely hope for miracle cause hey thats what a crazy person does. No matter how i feel i will always try to look like this on the outside. So do you think there is any way for me to be sincere or to get rid of the sabotaging thoughts? any words are welcome. i feel so alone.