So this past weekend was one of the worst weekends I've ever had. I wish I could explain more of what happened, but I really just can't. It's too much/long/complicated to type all out. I just haven't ever been this overwhelmed in a long time and I really have no idea how to handle these emotions. I put up a front for my friends and family so that they see me as a really strong, reliable person they can come to, but every time I get a second to myself I'm sobbing. Then someone will end up walking in the room or whatever, and I can gather myself up so that no one knows anything's wrong. But. I don't know. Even little things are getting under my skin, that normally wouldn't and I don't know. I just really don't know what to do. Sorry this post is so repetitive.

I thought of calling my T this morning because I couldn't stop crying (which, by the way, I DON'T do. So that freaked me out, in and of itself.) but then I thought I should be able to hold out until Thursday night when I see him. And I got myself together before I had to work, but even at work I was tearing up a few times and thought I was going to lose it again in the car. And then what crossed my mind is that, on Thursday when my T asks how the week was, I'll most likely lose it again and I don't want that to happen at all. And now I want to cancel, even though I need his help with this. And then I was thinking, that my T will think I'm too much trouble and tell me I need more help or something. Ahhh, what do I do?! I'm totally backing out of going now..