Quote:
Originally Posted by TheQuietOnexx
okay so I'm too worked up to write a lot. I'm really struggling.
I had to call lifeline, it's helped enough for me to not do anything tonight. but I'm planning for tomorrow. like really planning, where, how, when.
so I'm not posting to just tell you all that I'm going to commit suicide, that would be selfish and horrible and pointless.
basically I know I need to call my T in the morning. but I feel like a massive burden because I call her too much. and also I can't go to hospital or everything that's hard atm will become impossible because I'd miss classes in my first week of tafe.
so I think I just need some support in calling her.. or any other ideas in what I can do..
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It's good you posted. Sometimes our BPD brains go into planning mode - this happens to me. A trigger will set it off and before I know it I'm planning. However, sometimes planning just means I'm very fragmented and need some comforting from the pain. Planning suicide feels good because it's almost like a vacation. However, we both know that you don't come home from
that vacation. And since we really don't know what happens once we die, death brochures aren't available online, yet, we don't know that we even want to go to the death resort. It might be very boring or worse, more painful than the place we are in now.
So what to do?
Right now you need unconditional love. If not from others than from yourself. So now you need to go into "Spa Mode." Do all things to comfort yourself. Make some calming tea. Rub warm body lotion on your hands and feet. Call anyone who is comforting and cry to them. Put on soft music that doesn't trigger. Wrap yourself up in warm blankets. To get them warm first put them in the dryer for 10 minutes than take them out. Ride the pain. Cry. Post. Keep reaching out. We are here.