I used to be worried about that too. But when I asked my therapist about it she told me its true I will never forget how to dissociate (some people, locations call it splitting) because dissociation is a normal thing. Every human brain is born with the capability to use their normal natural dissociation example pretending, using imagination, concentration, ...

when I was born I was one whole person, then one day 3 elements came together in the right combination of severity -

my age (here where I live, it is believed among the mental health community that only children under the age of 5 can create alters using dissociation)

extreme trauma

my natural born instinctual dissociation skills

enabled me to be very creative and dissociate those abused parts of myself so that I may survive.

then my therapist asked me -

are you still under the age of 5?
my answer no. I am well over the age of 5 now.

her reply was since only children under the age of 5 have the ability to create alters when in extreme abuse that shoots down the possibility of my splitting off into alters again. it cant happen anymore.

then she asked me
Are you still going through the extreme abuse that caused you to have alters to help you survive?
my answer no, my abuser has been prosecuted and is in prison, there is no possibility for the abuse to happen again. And I am not that helpless child anymore that he loved to torment.

her reply So again the possibility of my splitting into alters again is gone...Im not a child under 5 and Im not undergoing child sexual abuse anymore.

its true my brain will never forget how to dissociate because dissociation is a normal thing brains do. but the elements that come together for creating my alters is non existent now.

then she told me -

"from here on out you make all your choices/decisions. you are not a helpless child anymore. you are an adult capable of taking care of yourself and your problems. whether you *chose* to remain grounded and deal with your problems face on or not is now up to you. You have the control, you have the problem solving skills and the grounding skills....., I cant force you to use them. you want to live your life stoned out on meds, seeing things as if through a foggy day, instead of enjoying what you have worked so hard to achieve, thats your choice. if thats your choice go on your way, I wont stop you. my job is done. But if you want to continue living a life of awareness instead of depersonalization, and other dissociative symptoms, then you know what you need to do and I will be here to help you continue to move forwards."

she was right all the choices for my life and happiness are now up to me. and now you have that too. now that you are integrated you are the one that is calling all the shots. no more unpredictability of others popping out all over the place....its up to you now, you can use what you have worked so hard to learn and achieve or you can run to the hills and hide in a dissociated state.

you dont *feel* them in the same way as you used to. example one of my alters memories is of getting slapped across the face.before integration I felt only what that alter wanted to share with me about it... one day it was just the resounding noise of it, another day it was embarrassment of it, another day it was each part of that memory one by one... during trauma therapy the alter shared it all at one, After integration I remember what it felt like and all that but not in the painful way I did before integration. its like that memory lost its power, I dont feel the sting, embarrassment as a literal feeling. its a more settled remembrance I remember what happened and how it felt when it happened but it no longer affects my life. its just a normal past memory for me now.

when I was telling you to take it one step at a time and all, I didnt mean all those past stuff thats now been settled and integrated. Im talking about new things. the alters wont be taking control and dealing with things *for* or *sheilding* you from emotions, feelings, problems...

example before integration I had a high tolerance for pain. I could hammer my finger while hanging a picture and not feel a darn thing, another alter would carry that pain for me, deal with that pain. First time I hung a picture and hit my fingers with the hammer I felt so many things... anger, pain, frustration, stupidity... and having the full experience that comes with hitting your fingers with a hammer literally knocked me off my chair, sent me stomping around the room, physically dizzy from feeling the pain and all the emotions at once. my wife found me hugging the wall in a panic attack, because everything was so so intense compared to what I was used to before integration.

its a big change to go from the alters taking what you cant deal with out of your awareness. to theres only one whole person experiencing every thing. the word overwhelming, drowning, feel like being buried alive doesnt do it justice but its the closest I can come to describing the experience.

your alters will never go away they are part of you. They are with you forever. just in a different way then they used to be before integration. example I was reading a book tonight in bed. my wife suddenly leaned over, tapped me on the arm, held up the hand mirror and I couldnt help smiling. for there I was with the pen in my hair at the same angle that used to be "Skips" way that was now my way of keeping the pen near when reading and journaling in bed. My alters are all here with me, just in a different way then they used to be.