deleted post for today

I think I have PTSD, almost certainly "complex ptsd".... posting has never felt "safe" to me. Oh well...

I envy people who can just spill their guts without second guessing everything and worrying. And people who say its good to get it out, its always been a mixed thing for me... often the anxiety outweighs any relief of getting some feelings out.

But I do appreciate all the loving people here, and people who offer constructive advice... pretty much everyone here!

I don't care if I'm judged, because that's about the other person.

Sure it hurts if some total stranger decides to get snarky with me but it has rarely happened, and its about them.

This has turned into a "boring" ramble and not a deleted post.



PS I find separation of stuff a wonderful tool, and not taking anything personally ... but thats just me.

I don't know why I even bothered posting this


feeling unlikeable and part of me feels "everyone will hate me" now I've said a bit more.

But outside the sky is still blue
and the snowdrops are still in bloom

...................


and a jewel is there somewhere in the sand... (thanks friend for that, you know who you are if you read this)