Hi Irreplaceable, thanks. Yes, there are two kinds of issues that get presented here - problems that are instigated by things others do, and problems that are created as a result of one's own issues or limited ability to deal in a healthy way with a given situation. I'm aware that the latter kind of problem is not always one that will garner sympathy, but I'm taking that risk of presenting it anyway. At the moment I'm out of other options (and I value the contributions from the smart people on this forum).

My guilt over my DH is just destroying me right now. My issue with the married musician is a kind of veil, a distraction, an obsession that keeps me focused on the wrong thing. It's preventing me from delving into my most important relationship and looking at the scary things down in there.

My DH and I were crazy for each other when we got married. I'm still deeply bound up in our relationship, but something has changed. He would take a bullet for me. He would be devastated if he knew that right now I'm unable to be emotionally faithful. I literally can't control my thoughts or emotions at this point, and it's quite scary. I don't want to leave my DH and I feel utterly hopeless.

I realize that my marriage is my core problem, and it's what I'll be working on in my next course of therapy (if the new guy I'm seeing this week works out).

Yes, no need to stone me for adultery. So far I haven't wrecked anyone's life or broken up a home. At this point I haven't cheated on my DH. My turmoil is sort of abstract, but it's real, and I'm definitely on the verge of getting into deeper crap than I've ever been in if I don't change course. I've reached a point where I literally don't know where to turn. This is why I've been sufficiently desperate to resort to opening myself up on a public forum, come what may.

You're right to point out the possible hurt to others if my trajectory continues. So thanks for this.