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Originally Posted by Antimatter
It's perfectly okay and normal to not feel 100% all of the time. If client's mom asked you if you were okay but you thought you were in a decent frame of mind, client's mom may have seen something that wasn't there. She may have been projecting her not feeling okay onto you. OR she might be extra perceptive and wanted to help you
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The client's mom is having a hard time dealing with placing her son within our group home. A lot of emotion goes along with that and we were meeting about her son's progress. So it could be any of the above. I was very quiet in the meeting.
I know she probably doesn't think those things of me, but I really do feel shameful asking for affection. It's not her job to give that to me, but she has chosen to hug me. Then things changed a bit related to circumstances without an explanation, so it brings up feelings of shame and low self-worth, same as when things changed within my family without explanation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antimatter
It is difficult to desperately want something that you never got. I'm glad you were able to say you want to be comforted and reassured that you will be okay. Many of us feel the same, at least I do.
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My T told me last session I'd be okay, but that "reassurance" never holds. I even asked my boss for reassurance today, but he recognizes I am not in a good frame of mind.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antimatter
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It sounds like nobody sat you down and explained to you that your mother's depression had NOTHING to do with you. You could not have fixed it no matter how hard you tried. BUT it was definitely good enough that you cared enough to try. Your father handled that very poorly. He was unable to see your pain and frustration and what he said to you, although I think he wasn't thinking straight, was a good way to make you feel shame as if you were to blame. Well, you weren't. Many 15 year olds have gone off on their mother/father or whomever. I wish you had gotten what you needed back then!!!!!
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My mother was in denial about her condition. Still is to this day. That's why nobody "explained anything to me". There was nothing to explain. My parents were not affectionate to me after I hit school age. I think they thought I was too old and didn't need it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antimatter
If you saw this happen to another family with a 15 year old girl in it, what would you think about her? That she was a horrible person? You absolutely AREN'T! What would we do without you here?
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I think my gut reaction would be "why did she do that?". If I knew the situation, I'd definitely understand. Most of the time, people act out for a reason, not simply for the sole purpose of hurting someone else.
As far as you becoming your mother, your kids becoming you -- well, you are aware of yourself. You are in therapy. Say that you did end up becoming depressed and agorophobic for a bit and you had a 15 year old daughter. I highly suspect you would sit her down beside you and tell her how much you love her and that although its not under your control, that it definitely is not her fault nor responsibility. To me, communication can make a horrific problem into just a problem.
Take care and keep us posted![/QUOTE]
I hope that I would do what you describe and not try to hide things to "protect" my children. I think it is a serious disservice to the child.
Thank you for your thoughtful answer, Antimatter! It gives me food for thought and my first session this week is tomorrow.