Last week I had a good session, we talked and I didn't over think every word before I said it - I feel like I related to her.

Near the beginning I told her about my SI-ing but I minimized it a lot (I don't cut so I avoided tell her the extent). I've been doing pretty badly with that part but also the stuff I haven't told her. I feel like I need to tell her the rest of it. She noticed a few weeks ago that my fingers looked pretty good, she asked why and I couldn't tell her but it was just because they hadn't been my focus at the time.

I feel bad because I haven't been honest she's asked me about the stuff she does know and I've given her the "good" (or least bad) answer. Don't I need to be honest in T for it to work at all? But I just can't. I shouldn't be doing it, I shouldn't have to have that to tell her about, I should be better than doing it to begin with. I'm a master "shouldn't"-er. I'm ashamed of the person I am right now doing this.

As good as things went last week, I still haven't brought up anything really bad. I haven't booked an appointment for this week yet because I'm so worried about telling or not telling. It's Tuesday today and I usually go Wednesday (Thursday being back up).