I totally get it Sjkero, I don't understand it of course, but I get it. The push-pull doesn't make any sense and I can't turn it off or on, it's like it just 'happens' to me.

But, I have to admit that talking about it, and I mean over-and-over-and-over again has helped. Something happened between my T and I last week, and it was bothersome for sure, but for the first time I didn't obsess over it like I normally do. I think I handled it like a 'normal' person,

So don't give up trying, just keep at it.