The impression i get from your explanation is that you think you are cursed, or a contaminant. Your logic seems to be: you stay away and everything remains ok, you make a point to be with people and somehow you end up polluting the peace with your presence. That logic sounds really sad...and i can relate.
But i dont think the solution is to find out who to blame, wonder who is at fault, or just conclude that you are absolutely powerless. I dont know what the answer is...but do wonder what do you hope / want / need / desire / wish out of life and for yourself so you arent suffering as much with cruelty and misfortune you expect all the time? What could you be focusing on instead...?
Again i can relate and am sorry you are struggling. I also agree with other poster suggestions in hoping you are getting support in real life too, for more care and understanding so you dont have to deal with the guilt / apprehension / pain all the time by yourself. In concluding with my 2 cents, I am truly sorry you seem to be struggling so much...