I have always found it curious that those who blame God are deemed irrational yet those who praise His benevolence are not. Both are beliefs. There is no objective truth in the world - we all construct in our own minds rationales for how things happen.

If there is a perfect God who can do anything, then my brother remains in a wheelchair and God is not willing to help. It is God's will my brother remain in that chair.

Yesterday, I had a very successful day and encountered no negativity. This, in my view, was accomplished because I followed God's will - I did not interact with friends or family. Whenever I do interact with them, there is almost always some negative consequence.

For years, I abused alcohol but I have now been sober for 13 years. During my drinking days, I was alienated from my father and younger brother. Since I have recovered, we have become very close. They have been beset by tragedy and tragedy since I returned to their lives. And, now, both are dying. I get the message.

Had I not come back to the fold, I am fairly confident my brother would still be walking. I have been made ugly both inside and out - and I think the message of God is to basically stay away from people.

I do have trouble accepting that because I do love my friends and family. But I know that it is what God wants - just as he wants my brother to remain in that chair. I do not know or understand why, but I have seen it happen.

My problem is not that I don't love my family and friends and am not rationalizing some excuse to stay away from them. My problem is I want to be with them but by doing so I and they are punished.

That is what I consider to be cruel.