(((((((Justme 55))))))

I read an old post about your troubled marriage. Oh, I can so relate to that. My husband was a binge alcoholic and not at all the man I thought I married. He eventually got help and has been working on changing. Yes, I try to be forgiving but the hurts of what he did to me are still there. It IS a very difficult situation, I can step right into your shoes.

I never had an affair, but after reading your sentiments here I sat and thought about it. I think that if I DID come across a man more like what I originally wanted, someone who got me and gave what I had needed. Well, I would struggle with the same emotions that your struggling with now.

I see that your still SO young yet. I really think that you need to think about this in the long term. Yes, I see the struggle and question of, do I stay and wait for this man to grow up and be what I wanted? OR do I just cut loose and search for someone else that can fill that need with no bad memories that I have to overcome?

For me?, I had a child when I went through this and I based my decision on trying to stay with my husband because I felt that it was best for my child. And after six year of my husband being sober, I was hit with the fact that HE cheated on me as well. That hit me to the core of me and I didn't know WHAT to do. AGAIN, at the time my daughter was around 12 years old and a therapist told me that it was a bad time for my child to experience a divorce. My priorities were that child that I brought into this world and I ended up taking a very difficult road of again repairing my marriage.

I am wondering if, given your husbands irresponsible selfish behavior, did he cheat on you as well in this time? It sure would not surprize me at all. To be honest, that is a biggie. Because if he did, at some point he will harbor guilt over it and there will always be a part of him that will distance from you because of the guilt.

Healthy relationships have to be HONEST relationships. There has to be trust there for sound building blocks. Otherwise, in my honest opinion, the relationship will just never truely grow and last the test of time.

I cannot make decisions for you Just 55. But what I can do is speak from my own experience looking back on my own marriage. My husband and I are close, but there was quite a journey, a very painful journey to get there. And I honestly don't think what I have now, which is not perfect, could have happened with the harbor of guilt. And to be honest, there is always going to be a part of me that experienced some very troubling memories about this man that I share my life with.

I totally understand your confusion. I really think that you need to really discuss this with a good therapist, possibly one that is very experienced with marriage counceling.

(((((HUGS))))))
Open Eyes