It's heartbreaking what happened to you as a child, things most people can't imagine. Please remember it was not your fault!!

I'm not so great with words & we are not professionals. This may have already been suggested to you but a good therapist can help you process these feelings you have from childhood. You sound like your adult life has been really good. It may have helped you sweep your childhood under the rug, so to speak.

I may be way off here, just something to think about.