Im glad your close to getting a diagnosis...it won't really change anything other than the fact that you might be able to start getting treatment which should hopefully help you feel better. I used to think i wouldn't make it to 20 and yet despite all odds my 20th birthday came and went and i started to think...'hmmm, i made it this far, perhaps ill make it another year' and so on. Is there perhaps someone you trust who you could hang out with a bit more right now? It sounds like you could use the distraction and hopefully having someone there will make you feel safer and who knows you might have some fun along the way. Just keep fighting...if you give up then obviously the illness wins and no one wants that!