I'm really sorry that you having to go through this. I empathise with the experience of being friendless from a young age, it seems to leave its mark. None of my "old" friends have stuck with me... friends from uni stopped talking to me after graduation. Never made friends at work. Friends from charities I volunteered at stopped talking to me after my husband died. I've formed some tentative "friendships" in the village I currently live in, but I know for a fact that none of them will be talking to me in a couple of years time. Being able to say "hello" to someone in a shop doesn't mean friendship.

I wish there was something I could do to help, but all I can say is that I hear you, and I really hope things get better for you soon. All anyone really needs is one good friend. Please God one will come along for you.