Well I think that you just needed to somehow release your feelings then here. It sounds like your really looking at the reality of how the other person would not be a good match for you. You have some productive thoughts. I am glad you don't feel guilty about the affair itself. Maybe that love is there because at the time it all happened you honestly needed a very confused empty space filled. I think that you can love someone for providing some way to fill that very confused space. I don't think you have to be guilty or ashamed.

Your really trying to learn what is best for you here. I think you must continue to make sure that you are taking care of YOUR needs. Having a outside councel for yourself via therapy will be good for you. IMO

Open Eyes