Late this September, my girlfriend of two years left me. She decided we needed to "take a break" and two weeks later, she decided she didn't want to be together with me anymore. She showed up at my apartment to give me some things back and I haven't talked with her since. I've tried to call her, I've texted her, I even sent her a letter via snail mail and I haven't heard a single thing from her in over four months.

During our relationship, she had hid some things from me (she smoked and got drunk once and slept with another man), and we had some bumps, but it seems like we always bounced back. We had always talked about getting married and having two kids and I couldn't have been happier. She is the love of my life and without her, I feel like there is a big part of me missing. I've been diagnosed with depression and since she left me, I lost my job. I often have trouble sleeping and no matter how many hours I sleep, I always wake up feeling tired.

Everything reminds me of her. She drives a common car, so every time I see a Taurus, my mind wanders, thinking it might be her. She works as a hairdresser in the mall I used to frequent, but now I can't go there because I'm afraid of bumping into her and collapsing. I also haven't gotten my hair cut since because it's just so hard to cope with. I'm lost.

I often wonder what would happen if I were to just die. I don't think I'm suicidal, since I'm too chicken to off myself, but I have just lost all will to continue to live. Due to having no income, I can't get help. I've tried therapy, but after three sessions with three different therapists, I didn't feel like they cared, or that they could help. Quite frankly, I've lost all hope.

So here I am, trying to gain something from nothing, hoping that maybe there's help out there for me.