..*trigger warning*..

I know mayb lots of CSA ppl understand this.....but sometimes I wonder..

Right now im at a state where..everything is triggering me. But...I realized, Ive never ever had any romantic feelings for anybody ever. All Ive ever felt is fear.
Usually, if I have ever gotten close to a guy , I immediately assume that he is going to use me, and I have to let them. (ugh this is so hard to type.. its so scary..)

um..
and I realize, that I feel like a little kid in that area, I dont have any interest in .."it"..(ew ew ew )
and I dont ..really care about it...and i dont have any healthy or good feelings about it..
I feel like a little kid, and Ive never looked at someone and thought they were so attractive it made me "like" them or anything like that..

Ive always seen things ina little kid type of waay...like... mom and dad... teacher...

like just not relationships.

Does this make sense

anybody else feel like this sometimes...