So instead of basking in my depressing thoughts and obssesing over things I decided to try some things that seem to be getting me somewhere even if it is just a little.

I have two applications on my phone. One is a cognitive diary that has some articles and meditative audios to listen to. This has actually turned out to be great for those moments when I really feel like flying off the handle and letting something ruin my day. Helps to get rid of those negative irrational thoughts and not be in such a funky mood. The second is a self-esteem application that helps you build self-affirming positive statements which also has articles and medatative audios. I also have "word" on my phone so I can write in my journal if I want to throughout the day and not have to be at my laptop to do it. I love my phone!

Another thing is I have been reading some books. Some are just normal everyday novels that keep my brain stimulated but lately I've been reading those "self-improvement" ones. I used to think these books would be a complete waste. However, I came across this very insightful, thought-provoking get you going kinda book. It got me smiling while I was at work recently jamming to my headphones bouncing up and down like an idiot. Usually I stop myself but then I thought of the excerpt in the book asking "what keeps you from dancing that dance in life" and I smiled and kept bouncing my head up and down like an idiot. One of my biggest problems is I obsess over what other people think of me but in that moment I relished in not caring one bit! I loved it!

The book I mention has caused me to start writing (well typing) A LOT, it has you free write at the end of each chapter from a subject cue the author gives you. It also has an action to perform as well but for me the writing is the best part. It seems to help get a lot off my chest. I even write letters to people I never send that I feel like I have unfinished buisiness with. I think it may help to curb thinking about the past so much.

I still have problems leaving the house other than going to work. It's really nerve racking. So I think I need to go back to my therapist beings that I have only seen her twice to begin with. Another thing I need to do is I still let other people get to me. I want everybody to like me and when someone is being malicious it can screw up my day ten-fold! But I am taking it a day at a time.

I don't know if I am allowed to post the actual title to the book mentioned but I suppose I'll just be told not to do it again but it's called "Life is a verb; 37 days to be mindful, and live intentionally" It's a great book!


-tricia