spoke to T. took up too much of her time and made her late.
i can't keep doing this, to anyone.

i just need to do this on my own i think.

i lost my dad almost 13years ago, i CAN'T loose mum too. so i just need to stop.

i'm so scared that if something does happen to mum my family will step in and say i'm too f**ked up to look after my little brother and then i will have no say over what happens to either of us.

i know i am a terrible sister, but maybe i can make it right.. he msged me last night without mum reminding him that it was my first day of tafe and he asked how it was. and then after msging most of the night he said 'love you, night xo' it made me zoo happy for him to write that because i know neither of us are good at expressing feelings.

so i guess i just have to do this myself. their happiness has to come before mine. i can't hurt them anymore.

so no more appts with the pdoc. no more calling T. no more calling crisis team or any helplines. and absolutely no more IP or meds.

and i have to go to every class and pass.

just forget about all the depression, psychosis and BPD. i have to.