I understand your dilemma. Normal people can be such a hassle to deal with, especially where marriage is concerned. What with the emotions, and social obligations, and need for attachment, and moral concerns...

While showing and receiving affection is a ritual which perplexes me to no end ... I'm not completely against it or repulsed by it. My experiences, therefore, may be different from yours. But I have developed some tricks of the trade which normies find quite ... charming? Warm-hearted? Whatever it is they feel... And while I can't truly understand the purpose or appreciate such gestures, my wife does. So I make an effort anyway, because it makes her happy when I do... And when she's happy, I'm happy... So, in a way, it does serve a purpose which I can understand fully...

Anyway... Is it more uncomfortable for you to give affection or receive it? If it's the former, you could try your hand at buying her flowers or chocolate or diamonds. Flowers appeal to the sense of smell, which is a strong enticer of memories. Hopefully pleasant ones... So pick a flower which is either her known favourite flower or one which she smelt during a pleasant memory, preferably a memory which involves you... such as a first date, so long as that date was pleasant. Chocolates, of course, release endorphins. And diamonds... well, are diamonds... The trick here is... You don't actually have to initiate any romantic gesture. You don't even have to be there when you give the gift. Yet she'll be happier and wish to be affectionate... You can then let her take the reigns, and all you have to do is go along with it.

If it's the latter, then simply initiate romantic gestures to control the situation. You mention that it repulses you... But you might feel a bit more comfortable if you're in control of the situation and you know where it's heading. It might also help to know what behaviours work and which don't... Then it's just a matter of practice.

Why does it repulse you? I can understand why it would... But if you know why it repulses you, you may be able to counteract that by perceiving it as something else... I perceive it as a game, not just affection... I understand the game.