maggie - I do agree that you have horrible communication problems and that trust between the two of you is lacking. If you want to work on your relationship, you might think about talking about your issues at a site that is away from your home in a different yet public environment, such as a quiet corner of a restaurant. Neither of you is as likely to lose control that way. You might consider talking to a counselor or another trusted person as well, but that can have both pluses and minuses. Another option would be to try Marriage Encounter if they operate in your area, but they are not everywhere
I agree with the other posters that his behavior is abusive. He has a lot of pent up anger that comes spilling out on you. It must feel pretty threatening. Anger is a sign that something is wrong and people often resort to overt anger to cover up their deeper issues and inadequacies.
I extend to you a big HUG and I wish you well -- you both deserve a relationship that is wholesome and peaceful