No i've decided to stay med free.
Earlier, we met in the kitchen after work, and we spoke and he kinda just walked out, and i felt so used, for some reason, so i wont to my room and got my coat and decided i need a walk to get air, he met me in the hall and asked where i was going, i said i was going to shop, he was like, "oh i'll drive you, you're ill, you dont want to be walking about in the snow."
So in the space of less that half an hour, i had devalued him and then idolised him again.
Gone from, 'dont want to see him again tonight," to, "aww what a nice guy,"
If not to protect myself, then i shouldnt be around normal people anyway. He is a sorted guy, he is 9 years older than me and he is normal.
He may not see all the weird stuff about me right now, but i cant help but think it may start to become clear to him, without me even realising i am showing it.