Really slipped! I've been on a downward spiral for a while. I weigh myself numerous times a day again, count calories and restrict to a specific number, clean daily obsessively and have a set "goal" wt in my head I want to achieve. My pdoc and T already want to put me in treatment but I refuse and I have major surgery coming up which I'm looking forward to bc last time I had surgery I lost a bunch of weight! I feel like a wind up doll out of control! I cant stop slipping back into this state of mind and wanting to go off the deep end. I don't know any other way to live that male me feel as safe and comfortable. It's hard to say but true sorry if it triggers.