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This true story illustrates this point well.A high school football coach found himself caught up in a horrible losing streak without a clue of what he could do to pull his team out of it.When his players made their frequent mistakes,he would pull them off the field,yell and scream at them telling them exactly what they had done wrong and then tell them to go and sit on the bench and think about what they had done wrong.Of course when they returned to the field they repeated their mistakes because they had memorized them and their intense mental review gave instructions to their subconscious minds, telling them exactly what to do again.Finally the coach had a brilliant idea.He stopped yelling and screaming at his players and telling them what they were doing wrong.Instead in a calm voice he said "NEXT TIME DO IT THIS WAY ..." and he then explained the correct behavior for his players.And guess what? His team quickly broke its losing streak! He was teaching his players how to win now rather than giving them mistake instructions as he had been doing during his self-induced losing streak.
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Thanks for sharing this story Dr. Frank.
I firmly believe in dealing with my own kids this way. Kids and even adults don't learn a thing, if they're made to feel inferior or shamed. If kids are verbally berated or physically disciplined, all they learn is to fear the adult and to hide their wrongs next time. Same things when adults interact.