Have you been diagnosed with bipolar in the past? I know that ultra-rapid cycling (shifting from hypo/mania to depression in a very short period of time) can be really painful and exhausting. You're not alone in what you are going through.

Definitely talk to your T about seeing a pdoc. If you are bipolar, mood stabilizing medications should help, at least a little bit. Don't let financial concerns stop you from getting help that you need; untreated bipolar is very costly as well!

How is your relationship with your T? Are you a "good fit"? If not, then perhaps you should look for a new therapist.

Please don't SI. There are better ways to cope. Do you keep a journal? It's an excellent way to allow you to express your emotions and record your pain, and there is no blood spilled! You are an important person, and you don't deserve to be hurt by anyone, least of all yourself.

Take care.