I know about getting thoughts out helping. Keep on doing it. Keep on doing it.

I can also empathise with the self sabotage and feeling like I am going backwards. Someone once suggested, however, that recovering from depression is a bit like heading for a distant mountain peak. You struggle up and up and think you have reached the summit, only to find that there is a valley between you and the next mountain peak. Then you get there, and have to cross another valley. This continues until eventually you do reach the peak. When you look back you can see all those summits and all those valleys - and only then can you realise that each summit was a little higher than the previous one, and that each valley a little less deep.

Be safe.