Well, perhaps it is not too late to convey what you want to convey to your father? Even if you don't think he can hear/understand you, perhaps it is worth a try? You have nothing to lose. I'm really sorry he is unwell.

As for therapy, I thought you had seen a T before? But if you need to find one, or find a new one, perhaps try your local psychological association's website? or ask someone for a referral? and as for your hesitation about opening up about your most personal issues to a complete stranger on the phone.. I totally understand. It's good that you are careful. I always google them and try to check their professional licensing and complaint histories online. I think many T's will give you one free consultation. or maybe you could meet them one time in person to see if you like them... I had grief therapy via phone because my T was in another country. I chose her because I saw her bio online and liked what I read and we had a free phone consultation to see if we were compatible. Even found her on youtube...

Well, I do hope that your hurts will eventually be healed. Please don't give up. All the best to you all (((dear ACQPL)))