Dear T,

You're always telling me how I need to open up & let my guard down, but once I start to do so you make me regret it every time. Yesterday I told you that I'm back feeling & having thoughts of dying & you replied why are you telling me, what do you want me to do about it. How could you be so insensitive? I didn't want you to do anything...I was just expressing myself.

You also made me feel bad about the situation between me & that girl at school. You made it seem like I had no right to be upset & that I was causing my own turmoil. You really make me want to shut down & I think I will let you know that I don't want to waste your time any longer. Isn't that what you think anyway? That I'm just wasting you're time? If not, you sure make me feel that way.

I feel bad because I had to lie to you. You asked had I SI'ed & I told you no, when in fact I had done so. You scared me when you said if I told you I would harm myself you would have to take me to the hospital so I thought that if I told you that I'd cut you would take me to the hospital or call my sis...so I decided against it.

Why do you make it so hard to be open with you? It's like you don't understand & a part of me feels like you just want to see things your way. I really like you & look forward to seeing you, but I'm not so sure that you're helping me.

*sigh*

Chris