I don't even know where to start. Guess I should blame myself for allowing the insanity to continue. I fell in love and believed everything that he promised me. My friends saw him for what he was and warned me but I defended him. Two and a half years laters, I HAVE TO open my eyes and turn off my heart. He has cheated on me constantly, a few regulars and a few new ones thrown in each time. I recently discoved that he stole my ID and credit cards which leads me to believe that the other times money was "missing", he stole it too. He has taken advantage of my kindness and love with no remorse. He has left me literally in debt, broke, devistated, and completely ashamed of myself. And I am so pathetic, I hope that this time he will come back, say he was wrong, and ask me to take him back. HAHAHA. That will never happen. He says that my emotions are "bull**it", I am a "baby", and I just need to get over being so needy. Funny thing is, he has never been there for me, his constant lies and manipulation have caused me to question everything and it's really not funny at all. I don't know how to process all this pain. I've read a lot of articles from the site that say to focus on the bad times and ugly things he has done to keep me focused on reality and away from my heart. Knowing what to do and being able to do it seem so so far way. How can he say he loves me and mistreat me the way he does?
(I just reread what I've written....beyond pathic....I am 47 and have two young girls that I haven't been there for them because I was so wrapped up in this "love.") Where am I going to find the strength to get through this???