So I had one week of feeling ok & now I'm back to feeling like complete crap. I'm really miserable & hating life at this point. I don't want to live anymore, but I won't kill myself. So I'm stuck in a place that's continuously causing me to be depressed. No one understands & I'm not sure that I do. All I want to do is cry, but I can't allow myself to do that. I don't even know why I'm writing this post...I don't expect anyone to even care to respond.

I wish it was just easy for me to give up. Don't have anyone IRL to even talk to about the way I'm feeling. I tried opening up to T to tell her I had thoughts & feeling of dying...she made me regret talking. Who else can I talk to without them worrying about me actually harming myself or threatening to take me to the hospital. I just hate my life & I just feel so alone. People can tell me all day that I'm not alone, but I am. I'm alone with my thoughts & my feelings of hopeless, helpless, & just not wanting to live. Guess I'll just continue to exist.