OK, so I know my parents are not perfect, but my T seems very set on criticizing them. The thing is, my dad was not a good parent to me growing up, and I am willing to admit that (my T says that he abused me, I am not willing to go that far). However, sometimes I feel like she is very harsh on my mom. Sometimes I will say something that she did, and T will frown and say "Wasn't that hurtful?" or something, basically I can tell she does not approve. I know that my mom is not perfect, but she is my mom and I love her. My mom and I have a very close relationship, so when T does this, most of the time I jump in and defend her.
It is weird though, because I also view T as a mother figure. I want her to hold me and tell me everything will be OK and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have her as my mom, but then I also feel this need to defend my mom against my T, who I feel like is my second mother figure or something. Also I have looked T up online and I know that she is around my mother's age and has no kids. Sometimes I wonder if she is harsher on my mom b/c she has no kids of her own, or because she is my mom's age and feels like my mom or something. Or am I just projecting?
Like today, I was telling T about the time I told my mom I would not be going to law school and would be working at a club instead. And my mom was devastated and one of the things she said to me was "I used to be so proud of you." And my T looked at me and frowned and was like "She said that?" and then asked me if it hurt me, and I was like "Well what would you do if your daughter said that to you?" even though I know she doesn't have a daughter, but I guess I was just trying to make the point that it was a big blow to my mom. Also, I kind of wanted to see what she would say, like if she admit that she didn't have a daughter, but instead she didn't answer the question and asked me something else. Part of me likes that she is concerned, but another part of me feels this need to defend my mom. What does everyone think about this?