I am here. Wow, I do know how you feel snowbird. I really do because I had a very similar experience once.

the important thing is that you are safe now. Keep focusing on that fact ok? I know its really hard. I also know what you mean about the feeling of his hands - just remember that just because it feels that way doesn't always make it so. Try a nice hot relaxing bubble bath, or maybe a cup of hot chocolate and a blanket wrapped around you - anything to feel snuggly and warm.

It is confusing isin't it. The only thing that can really change that confusion is time, but it will clear up I promise.