I got out of Renfrew and I'm finally eating again. I'd lost a ton of weight and my treatment center sent me to Renfrew because of the severity that my weight loss (I was losing a ton of weight really fast). So now I'm out and I'm eating what I should be but the THOUGHTS. They're killing me. I've never had a drive so big. To not eat.

Every time I eat a meal I hate myself. Feeling full after a meal is where I struggle the most and that voice inside my head starts lighting off like wildfire. The thoughts of cutting corners, taking diet pills, exercising, doing whatever I can to start losing weight again. It's killing me. But I'm still eating. I'm just doing it mechanically. Trying to enjoy it, but I can't even do that. I'm just doing it or else Skyland (the treatment that I'm back at) will discharge me again.

How do you stop these thoughts. So much of me wants to go back to heavily restricting, but I know I can't. And it's tearing me apart inside.