Hello, Everyone:

This is my first post here. I am severely depressed, partially due to a breakup that has escalated. It is 6 months since he cancelled the engagement; 2 months since he broke it off for good but said he wanted to be "friends" but I didn't see or hear from him. One week since I emailed him and he let me know he didn't want any contact at all.

Although we were only together for 1 1/2 years, this guy was the best friend I've ever had in my life (and I am 56). We were really, really happy until he suddenly had a change of heart. I have never been good at friendships and I have almost no one now. Several people I've reached out to have not responded, especially those who are his friends also. Some people who are sort of friends are not well themselves, and not really able to listen or help--I've had more help from strangers than some of the people I thought were friends.

I've been trying to get out and meet new people, but my current state exacerbates my already poor friendship ability. I'm embarrassed to say I even called the ex and left a message, but of course he didn't call back. Last Sunday I took myself to the ER, basically because I was doing really badly and had no one to talk to. (It was a horrible experience.)

I have a new therapist and also returned to my psychiatrist and got a new prescription...but I don't have a job so no insurance. I haven't had a job for a while and have been applying, but it's hard enough getting a job when you're got the energy and confidence; nearly impossible when you don't.

To make matters worse, my ex is a local musician, and has a major concert with a famous colleague on, of all days, Valentines Day, an event we had started to plan together last year. (With everything else, I feel horrible that I can't go to the concert--there she is, XX's former fiance on Valentines Day sitting by herself watching him.). He is successful and adored and happy and probably is dating and wants nothing to do with me when not too long ago he was saying over and over that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he'd be a fool to let me go. (When we were together I wasn't depressed so that's not why he left)

And I am by myself with no friends and no job and no hope.

I know it's the depression talking (I've been on and off depressed most of my life), but the realities of my life are also pretty bad. Every day is worse than the previous, especially mornings.

Thank you for letting me at least talk to someone. I'll look forward to everyone's responses.

ES