I have social anxiety (and GAD), and one of my worst triggers is being watched when I'm driving. I'm not a great driver, and you could say it's not smooth. Muscular dystrophy (even a very mild form) plus anxiety just don't make for a smooth ride. And I worry about making stupid mistakes, not looking like I know what I'm doing, and getting lost. It's particularly bad if I know the person watching me is a good driver, or has any kind of elevated credentials for driving (like a CDL). Yeah, I had some bad experiences with driving instructors and parents, etc. who were teaching me.

A couple of years ago I was going to an event 30 miles from home, and a friend needed a ride, and she happened to be a school bus driver (which means she has a CDL). I asked her to drive my truck so I wouldn't be too embarassed.

I also worry a lot more about getting lost than I do about safety. I'm not afraid of dying in a car accident, but I'm terrified of not knowing where I am or how to get to where I'm supposed to be. When I was 18 and had only had my liscence for less than a year (that's a whole other story, but my parents fought me on learning to drive at all), I went on a trip that involved interstate driving. When it was my turn to drive, I was following the other car and they kept passing people and got too far ahead, and I was afraid of passing on a two-lane highway. I eventually panicked about not being able to see the car I was following, and just went for it, even though there was oncoming traffic, so the cars coming the other way had to swerve off the road. I was embarassed more than anything.

Enough history - you get the picture.

Back to today. The preschool where I work is done for the summer, and all the school busses needed to be taken back to the school district's bus yard. I can't drive a school bus, but the transportation manager and transportation coordinator/bus driver came up with a brilliant idea that it would be twice as fast to take the busses back if they could each drive a bus and someone else would follow them and bring them back for the next trip. I was semi-available, so they asked me to help them. They asked if I knew where the bus yard was (no), and I said I would just follow them. They teased me about being able to keep up with the big yellow school busses, and I teased back that it might be a little hard to spot them if they got lost in traffic. Well, one bus was ahead of me, and one was behind me, and I got scraped off at the light while the bus went onto the highway and past where I could see it, and I didn't know where I was going. When I got on the highway, I still couldn't see it but I didn't panic too noticeably. I got in the other lane and slowed down so that the bus behind me would pass and I could follow her, and it worked. I didn't even make them drive back, so that means I drove a van with two qualified bus drivers as passengers, and didn't panic to the point of being too noticeable.

Just thought I would brag a little.

Rap