I think I needed to find my own way of dealing with a life in me that sees me and everything from an objective and detached perspective. I had advice, meds, hugs, prayers, incantations supportive groups of like minded folk and some, not much, family support. I had govt. money sent, that helped ease my stess and govt. insurance helps releive stress also. I needed to suffer. The "life" mentioned above saw, and sees, me as a natural resource to be harvested or processed into a revenue producing cog in a larger natural resource harvesting, and processing entity on earth these days. I'm just being honest. I'm not trying to be scary. I apologize if I scare posters here. Thanks.