I don't know that its a power struggle as much as it is my insecurity of not being 'good enough'. I often feel that others have such a better life than I do. I feel inferior many times. It is odd, though, because most people do not see me like that at all. They see me as a very strong, confident woman that presents herself as an "authority".

It makes me laugh to hear what others think of me. It is so different from what I feel about myself. My therapist and I have talked about this many times. She wants me to be able to accept compliments from others, but I don't do that very well. I will find every flaw and excuse to prove them wrong.

She does tell me that I am controlling. By that she means, I control who gets close to me and who I allow myself to be safe with. I think we all do that, don't we? So, I am not sure why she says that. I do have an issue with where she sits when we are in a session. In the beginning, she sat in a chair that was higher than where I sat. I was always looking up at her. This made me feel so uncomfortable.

I finally told her and we changed things up. She said that given my history, she understood why that would bother me. I lived with a very controlling spouse and religion for 13 years. I did as I was told, so to speak. I don't want to ever be put in that kind of situation again. Maybe that is why I need to feel that I am 'equal' with those that I associate with?