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Old Feb 12, 2012, 05:52 PM
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redhead42 redhead42 is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: WV
Posts: 51
I have been working on my med levels recently, struggling with fatigue and the deadening of emotions. My doc and I discussed that perhaps a lower dose would help manage my emotions without dulling them,and I might enjoy a little more energy. Yesterday, I thought it was going well, still a bit tired but able to push through because my emotions weren't reacting dully with an "I don't care" attitude. So when I woke this morning, bordering on whether I should push through to go to church, I knew what the responsible choice was. I got up, got ready, and waited for my husband at the door as he put the finishing touches to his attire. That is when his shoelace snapped. Now, this shoelace has been frayed for weeks, allowing my husband to purchase new laces. However, because planning and priority are concepts that mean wasted energy in his opinion, he didn't bother to try to get new laces before the old ones snapped altogether. And it was THAT that was the hump that became my mountain. Because he was already running late, and we would now be running later as he had to go to the 3rd floor closet to get another pair of shoes (don;t worry, my house isn't as fancy as "3rd floor" sounds...promise! =), my anxiety (which is often equvialent with irritation) skyrocketed. I didn't go to church because I knew I'd be worshipping God with a heart that was, well, pissed at my husband. So I have made it my duty to read in bed all day. Why do the little things have so much power? And why can't he understand that a little bit of planning can save me from a bout of anxiety that has lead to depressive periods that have lead to hospital stays?! Grrrr! (Sorry for venting but if I do it with other people, it would be labled whining. But I think you all might understand.)
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