This topic has come up before, but I guess I thought it might be a good time for a revival. So - does your therapist hug you?

I'd never had one do this, until last week when I had my first session with a new T. He's a guy, I'm a girl. I'm not physically phobic and I don't have CSA issues, but I'm not really a big hugger. There were times when I tried to be more physical around people in order to fit in with a particular culture - like when I was a theater major, where people tended to do that a lot. But it got old fast.

I really dislike hugging if it's phony and hypocritical. I have a female acquaintance who insists on hugging me every time I see her, even though I actively dislike her (I believe she knows this and hates me as well). I hate A-frames, and I hate the hugs where you're just clanking collarbones. Why the hell do it if you're not even touching? I want a real hug if someone is going to hug me.

As a woman, I've disliked hugs from other women because they're so tentative and weird. I also hate handshakes, whether from men or women, for the same reason. OTOH, if somebody else's husband gives me a nice big warm bear hug, it feels better physically - but at the same time I'm like, whoa, that was just a little TOO warm if you know what I mean. The girls don't appreciate being squished that hard when it isn't mammogram day, you know?

I like to be hugged when I'm crying, but this wouldn't be something that would happen casually or socially. It would only be in private.

So - not horribly phobic around hugging, but not thrilled with it either. So it threw me a bit when my brand-new therapist opened his arms as I was leaving and said, "By the way, I'm a hugger. And you can't tell your whole life story to me and not get a hug."

So we hugged, and it was - weird. First of all, I don't know the guy! I mean he's the first promising therapist I've seen in about a year, after months of searching and doing intakes with some pretty awful folks. So I'm happy and relieved and pleased he wants to make another appointment.

But the hug - it sort of broke the spell.

And I'm big-chested, which I can usually disguise pretty effectively depending on how I dress. Now, though, he knows what he knows. My new T knows I have a big chest - because he friggin' FELT those things!

So what has been your experience around hugging your therapist, and what do you make of it?