Dear T,

I am 99% sure you will accept what I can pay you but I hope you email back. I don't think it's against the rules if you just say "ok". Otherwise, I know I can wait until Tuesday.

I don't know if I can read what I emailed you that I would say to the preteen part. You're right, though. As usual. I can see that it was more helpful me saying it than you. But I HATE those anatomy words. I don't want to say them. I'll read what I wrote but I'll be sort of disassociating unless you make me be aware of saying them. How can I hate words? It's what they represent. I know we have to do more EMDR about this subject.

I don't know if "you telling me no" is about that subject or about "I'm not important enough to get what I want". I keep thinking of different negative thoughts to go with that trigger but I don't know which one fits. Is it about refusing me, or is it about not talking to me about growing up? I'm getting so confused when I try to figure it out but I need to for the EMDR, don't I?

I know you said you don't judge me, but I wonder if you secretly think what I talked about is disgusting.